cumillionaire:

If my jokes offend you:

  1. I’m sorry
  2. It won’t happen again
  3. 1 & 2 are lies 
  4. You’re a pussy

(Source: 69shadesofgray, via hell-above-meeee)

spaghettl:

on my grave i want VIP not RIP

(Source: eggyolk1, via fake-mermaid)

humorking:

so today in the dressing room there was this hot guy in his underwear so i decided to take a picture of his bulge and i forgot my fucking flash was on… finish the story yourself

(Source: humorking, via fake-mermaid)